


Want You Back

by Latefan_5sos1d_wherewasi



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Coma, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, Loneliness, Relapse, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 16:39:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14622816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latefan_5sos1d_wherewasi/pseuds/Latefan_5sos1d_wherewasi
Summary: Luke is just done with life. He can’t control the mental parasites that have come to haunt him again as he standing in front of his mirror, looking at an empty shell of himself that used to actually be happy at some point. But, not now. Not now as he denies himself of the help waiting for him downstairs as he makes his way to the bathroom floor.*Disgusting. Freak. Waste of space. Shame. Let down.Luke felt all of those things towards himself; he was disgusting, he was a freak, he was a waste of space, he was a shame and let everyone down. One thing he never realised was that he was lost. Lost to his mind, his mentality.





	Want You Back

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a redone storyline that I fixed up. I uploaded the first story that wasn’t developed nor detailed so I decided to rewrite it from its 2000 words to this 6000. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> ⚠️Please be aware of the trigger warnings in the tags<3!

Disgusting. Freak. Waste of space. Shame. Let down.

Luke felt all of those things towards himself; he was disgusting, he was a freak, he was a waste of space, he was a shame and let everyone down. One thing he never realised was that he was lost. Lost to his mind, his mentality.

He didn’t feel like he belonged here, living. He didn’t deserve to have these amazing people around him. He was the freak in the band that everyone looked past and failed to hear the way he was internally screaming for help behind his eyes.

He was disgusted with what he saw in the mirror on the daily. He avoided the mirror so he didn’t gag at the sight but sometimes he couldn’t help but stand there and judge his body and let the self hatred build up. No one would look at him especially when he has these attractive people surrounding him everywhere he went. The three other band members were all attractive in his eyes and then there was just him.

He still felt like the big person he saw when he was younger, still the fat boy that got bullied in school for his weight. He was he biggest.

Pure disgust. Luke couldn’t help but feel disgust as he just stared monotonously at his reflecting in the mirror. He would never get used to the complete disgust and self hatred that he got as he looked at himself. His boring greasy hair was flat against his forehead and his glaring eyes a grey and blue colour that reflected the storm that he was battling within himself. He wasn’t winning. He couldn’t find it within himself to even try to fake a smile at his reflection.

His ribs jutted out and were blatantly visible from his eating habits, or should he put it as non-eating habits instead? However, Luke didn’t see that of himself. He saw a big tummy and pudgy thunder thighs. He sight to him made a cringe and a grimace appear on the otherwise emotionless face in the mirror. He didn’t recognise this boy in the mirror. Once upon a time he was doing fine but something happened along the way, life isn’t always a fairytale. Luke choked out a sob as his hand grasped the skin of his stomach with a heavy glare.

Isolation. He had isolated himself from everyone else, deemed hiding away in darkness was the only plausible reason to help himself. At least he was saving everyone from having to look at him like he forced himself to do so. It wasn’t like anyone would notice his sudden disappearances. None of his band members have noticed his absence downstairs after he left an hour ago ‘to go get something from his room’. Luke was evidently the quiet one of the band. People much rather listen to Ashton and Calum’s jokes and everyone liked to listen when Michael talked, but him on the other hand? No one liked to listen to him. Not in an interview, a twitcam, a video or even in person. He gets it.

Loneliness. Little to anyone else’s knowledge, like had been spending more and more time in his room compared to the amount of time that he spent with his bandmates as he sobbed into his pillow. Spending more time glaring at his reflection. Spending more personal time with the small delicate blade in the top drawer of his nightstand. Who knew something so small and shinny could be so dangerous and life changing.

Overwhelmed. Luke’s emotions had become so overwhelming to bare that he found himself crying in the corner of the room more and more often as they enclosed around his being and took him whole. These emotions were becoming increasingly overwhelming that he was finding it harder to manage daily routines and tasks that were once easy. Like eating or walking extensive distances that were further that the distance between his bathroom and bed.

Difficult. He was starting to find looking at the food that was put in front of him without grimacing severely difficult, yet no one seemed to notice his inner turmoil. No one noticed how after every meal he forced himself to eat he would then excuse himself back to his room where he’d empty his stomach into the toilet bowl. People might think it was sick but he was proud of the fact that he no longer had to stick finger down his throat to make himself wretch and heave to the point where he’s throwing up the contents of his stomach, the toilet water smell was enough to off set the reaction now.

Excruciating. There was always that excruciatingly hard struggle to pull himself out of bed in the morning for the hollow boy. He didn’t have the physical nor mental capability to will himself up for another day to suffer. It was exhausting. Just the mere thought of having to sit up, swing two legs off the side of the bed before having to stand up and face the bitter life he lived without falling was just incredibly hard to face. He did it though, even if it took hours of staring at the ceiling before forcing himself up.

Exhausted. Luke was beginning to find himself progressively tired as the days went on. He was just tired of life in general. Most nights he didn’t even sleep and others he got maybe the odd one or two hours if he was lucky, that was maybe one or twice a week on a good week. His body was exhausted of the thought of just living at the current moment. Mentally drained from even standing, however, he still would find himself standing in front of his mirror daily.

Life. Living. It was something that Luke regretted at the moment. He regretted being alive and wasting the space on the earth. He was a waste of a human being in his eyes. He didn’t even feel human, more of a hollow shell of someone who used to think he was something. Something that could actually feel anything more than disgust and self loathing. Living was the main reason he would find himself running the sharp silver blade on his skin. The same reason he found himself glaring at his reflection. The same reason he found himself emptying his stomach and throwing up bile and the stomach acids within him. The exact same reason that made him not want to live through the night only to not want to get up in the morning when he registered it. He was still alive.

Luke had eventually relapsed a little over three months ago and it was just continuing to just get worse and worse, his oblivious band members still haven’t suspected anything. Was he really that invisible to everyone? He doesn’t blame them, if he were them then he’d take any chance to cut him out of his life. He never really stopped cutting but it used to be in secretive places like his hips and thighs and he would harm himself no where near as often as he does now. Then he relapsed, it became more red lines and he found them to be appearing on his skin increasingly quicker as time went on. His arms. His thighs. His hips. All littered with the red thin lines that graced the skin, some fresh and others fading only to be redone.

These were a few of the many endless reasons that he found himself in front of his bathroom mirror glaring at his reflection as he leaned against the tiled white wall with his legs shaking and bouncing on the floor and he fidgets with the small delicate blade between his long shaky fingers. It was an addiction. A terrible craving that no one asked for. The craving to have a blade paint those thin red lines on the canvas of his skin. The craving to have power over his disorder and depression. The craving that did nothing to help him but pushed him further towards the finish line that depression provided for him.

It wasn’t like anyone would check on him if he truly strived towards that gold finish line of internal peace. No one was coming to check on him and that only added to the reason why he was there in front of the mirror with his little blade in his right hand and a tub of high prescription pain killers in his left. No one would care if he did end it all, or even notice his disappearance until it was too late for the matter. He just wanted to end this never ending pain that ran through him and controlled his deteriorating being.

There was still that small part of him that just wanted to run down, cuddle his boys and tell them everything but that minuet part has been drowned out by the continuous thought of finally getting to end it all. He just didn’t want to live on like this. He just couldn’t handle living. Hopefully everyone could understand than even if he didn’t leave and indication of note of his continuous suffering. It could all be quick. With a few new red lines with deeper meaning, deeper routes.  
  
Satisfaction gleamed in Luke’s eyes as he watched the process of the sharp small blade press down on the skin of the inside of his forearm in deeper incisions than what he normally did. The red liquid pooled out of the gashes and seeped together before free falling off his arm and leave crimson dots to collect upon the white pristine pearly tiles beneath him. He stumbled as he popped open the cap of the prescription pills and tipped the contents into his mouth. His vision grew hazy as he gradually got light headed. He failed to notice he was falling to the floor from his leaning position until his head hit the tiled floor with a sickening thump, he was growing numb. He began to just feel nothing. He loved it. Finally it can all be over and he can be at peace.

***  
It puzzled Ashton. Calum and Michael were both playing their turn on the PlayStation as they played FIFA. Ashton wasn’t focusing on that though. He was questioning where Luke was when a loud thud was heard over the game that was too loud to ignore. Ashton couldn’t help but let his curiosity play him as he latched onto his lip in concern.

“Guys, did you hear that?"

Ashton only received an uninterested shrug from Michael who was far too enticed with the game to care. Calum, however, has looked up to Ashton with a confused glance.

“The thud? Probably Luke, you know him dropping shit and what not. I doubt it’s anything to worry about.”

Ashton nodded understandingly and sat back down down comfortably in the chair. He couldn’t help but feel the itch under his skin that edged him to go and check to see if everything was okay. After all he was the oldest and Luke was the youngest of the band so he couldn’t help but feel protective of younger boy.

“I’m going to just go check on him, I mean he has been a bit distant recently. Am I the only one who actually noticed that?”

Ashton got up to leave as Calum and Michael paused as if they were only just realising the younger’s recent behaviour. Ashton decided to leave them to think about it as he began to climb the stairs .

“M’gonna go check on him anyways. He needs to know that we’ve got his back if he is going through something, ye know.”

The oldest made his way up through their shared house and across to Luke’s room where he said he would be when he was last seen. Ashton didn’t see him at first glance around the room, maybe he was in the bathroom or somewhere else. He hasn’t been to their personal gym in a while and he could be there.

"Luke!"

No answer. Ashton scanned the room again quickly. He didn’t leave the house because he would have to pass the living room to get there or they would hear the back door opening if he did leave through that way. Maybe he was somewhere downstairs then and they just didn’t hear him. But the thump came from upstairs, where was he?

All these questions rattled through his mind until he caught that small glimpse of blond hair on the floor of the bathroom floor. Did he get a shower? Did he fall?

“Luke? What are you doing on the floor? Do you need any help, did you fall?”

No answer. Ashton took the few steps forward and creaked the door open. He’s seen the boy naked to many times to count so it wouldn’t matter if he had to help him up. One thing he always failed to notice in the previous moments of seeing Luke Barr had to be that he missed those delicate painted red lines, much to Luke’s satisfaction.

"Luke? What wrong are yo-"

He froze. First he saw red on the floor in dots with a once silver blade that had the red substance covering it’s surface. Then his eyes shifted to the empty prescription pain killer that Ashton had no idea Luke even had. Lastly, the elder’s eyes caught sight to Luke’s body. The body that was far to skinny and pale to be normal. The body that had the crimson liquid seeping out of the boy’s arm. He couldn’t move. They were too late to even notice something was terribly wrong with their best friend. He couldn’t believe it, the sight in front of him told him otherwise though. He finally snapped out of the shock before realising he doesn’t have his phone on him.

"LUKE! Luke what have you done to yourself?! Shit... CALUM! CALUM"

There was a faint ‘yes’ heard in reply to Ashton’s call from the Maori boy in the living room downstairs. He quickly told Calum to call the ambulance and hopefully it was obvious that it was an emergency.

Ashton dropped down next to the weak boy on the floor and brought Luke’s head up to rest in his lap, suddenly aware of the fact that Luke was actually bleeding out. Ashton was quick to remove his shirt and tear the fabric in half, allowing him to tie the cloth around Luke’s forearms to stop the blood flow to the wounds.

"Luke... Luke. Please answer me... please be okay, just w-why?"

Ashton had a hand caressing the boy’s hair as he tears bounded down his face with unattractive sniffles. He began to take the boy’s heart rate when he caught sight of the empty pill bottle again. He couldn’t do anything about that. He knew it wouldn’t be right to force Luke to throw up. Luke could choke on the vomit and it would just cause more damage. He just hopes they weren’t a high dosage, that there wasn’t many in the bottle and that they weren’t out of date.

Ashton heard the steps behind him after he concluded that Luke’s pulse was beginning to slow as he withered away.

"What's happening Ash what's-"

Calum had been looking for the shouting after he got the ambulance on the phone. He was frozen in shock with the phone held out to Ashton. They needed to know what was happening and Calum obviously didn’t understand the extent of what exactly was happening.

Ashton took the phone as Calum examined the scene in front of him. He didn’t know what to expect. He definitely didn’t expect Luke’s unhealthily skinny body on the floor in only his boxers with a blood covered blade and pill tub on the floor. He didn’t expect what was once Ashton’s shirt to be ripped and tied around Luke’s arms, soaked with the red blood.

“Hello, it’s an emergency... m-my friend. I came up to check on him and he’s bleeding out and it looks like he’s overdosed on something... I don’t know what it was, I didn’t even know he had them... please just-“

Calum zoned out, how could they all be so careless. Luke had relapsed before but last time he told them when he was drunk. They all knew he had a past with depression and bulimia. They all knew it but not one could notice this time- even though they had seen the exact symptoms before. It was obvious that this wasn’t the first day of Luke’s relapse and that was the sad part. They didn’t help their friend when he needed them the most.

Suddenly, Luke’s body began to shake relentlessly. It sounded like he was coughing and they didn’t know what was happening until it struck what was going on. Ashton turned the boy to his side, thankfully, as the passed out boy began to empty the contents of his stomach onto the floor. It was mostly the many pills and stomach acid. There was so many pills. It doesn’t matter that they are up considering from the amount of them they would still leave an effect. It was evident that Luke had tried to kill himself. They hope it was tried and not succeeded.

The vomit was directed to the floor, even though some did land on Ashton’s leg as he finished up talking to the operator, just as Michael stepped into the room. Michael crumpled in Calum as they held each other so they didn’t fall.

Ashton checked Luke’s pulse again and it was getting slower, fading out. Fading out of this world like his body and life followed along side. No. This couldn’t happen. Luke had to be okay. They were going to save him.

“Hang on Lukey. Please. The ambulance is going to be here soon baby. Please just hang on!”

Ashton was in hysterics now. Luke’s condition fully registered to him as he took in the sight. There was so many scars hat littered the boy’s skinny frame, some looked to be older, newer, bigger, smaller and deeper. Some of the scars looked to go back more than weeks or months, some went back years. The boy’s bones jutted out from malnourishment and his skin pale, too pale. He looked ghostly. The bile had the mix of prescription pills and stomach acids that was splattered over the floor and Ashton’s knee as he held the boy to the side just incase there was more to come.

Luke had relapsed and no one knew. Know that he really thought about it, when was the last time Luke actually smiled? A frown etched onto Ashton’s crying face because he couldn’t remember. Any that he could think seemed to now look so fake and forced. Those smiles looked more like grimaces that screamed help. He wished he noticed sooner but it was obviously too late for that interpretation.

All three stayed gathered around the best friend, crying, until the ambulance arrived and Calum ran to let them in. It all happened so quickly. Before Ashton knew it he was in the back of the ambulance as the other two promised to meet them there as they buckled in to their own car and followed behind the ambulance.

The ten minute drive felt terribly long and he couldn’t imagine what it was like for Calum and Micheal who had no idea what was happening. It was a ten minute drive of the paramedics stabilising Luke for when they arrived at the hospital. Ashton swore he had a anxiety attack as the sound of the flatline echoed through his ears. He thought that was just it, everything over. He felt faint. Did he really lose his best friend in that moment? In that split second? They charged up the defibrillators and eventually the slow beeps faded back in. In that ten minutes Ashton watched Luke’s heart rate stop three times before being brought back to the world from the time frame between the house to the hospital.

Ashton felt dizzy. Everything was moving to quickly yet to slow as they arrived. Luke and Ashton were rushed in but the older was told he couldn’t proceed any further until a doctor said so. He took this time to regroup with his friends as they arrived through the hospital doors two minutes later. All had tear stained faces as they all brought each other into a hug as they feel apart in each other’s arms, it was really needed in this moment. There was many strangled out sobs as they struggled to actualise the situation. Their friend was in there. He will either come out alive or not come out at all. They might lose their best friend, their family but most importantly their brother.

They all sat in silence as they waited in the waiting room, there was nothing to really be said because no one could really believe what was happening. They couldn’t believe how clueless they were. They were currently anxiously waiting for news, they were more so waiting for an update that Luke was going to okay. They hoped. Long minutes past agonisingly slow until it had been half an hour without a word from each other nor any doctors.

All where stuck in their thoughts which they all knew were on the same track at the moment. They let Luke down. They should have noticed Luke’s position earlier before it got this severe. How could they have been so oblivious to the fact that their friend was suffering? How did they not notice how the boy was struggling? They weren’t there to support him and left him to fight for himself in a battle with himself, they let it get too much to bare for the youngest.

"H-he flatlined in- in the ambulance..."

The thick silence embedded in the air was becoming suffocating to bare but breaking it felt so much worse. He didn’t trust voice as it came out as he expected, with many cracks and breaks. He was in between Calum and Michael and both heads turned into him simultaneously. Once he started he knew he couldn’t stop and at least they were listening to him as he broke down into his hands.

"H-he d-died... I- I saw him die... it w-was just how did we not notice? How did he get this bad?! Like what if he didn't fall up there... what if we didn't check on h-h-him... h-he wouldn't be here o-one of us would've had to find him dead o-on the floor... w-we nearly lost him!"

Ashton couldn’t help it when he let out choked sobs and hiccuped cries as he told his friends what he saw as he spoke his thoughts aloud. He didn’t want to mention the fact that the boy had flatlined twice, it wasn’t something he thought Luke would have wanted them to find out. He inevitably finished, his head in his hands as sobs racked his body. He could hear the faint sniffles beside him over his cries as two sets of arms enclosed his hunched over figure in a hug. But it didn’t feel like a hug- Luke wasn’t here.

The boy’s stayed wrapped together in a bundle of slight comfort for ten minutes before a doctor came out into the waiting room and called for them.

"Luke Hemmings"

The boy’s scampered up quickly resulting in a head rush from each of their body condition from crying and shock. They were still eager as they walked over to the doctor who would hopefully tell them good news. The doctor’s face remained emotionless and professional much to their disappointment.

“Luke was in critical condition and you got here in time, but, he’s fallen into a comatose state from shock. We will be watching for any any brain damage. He also came in with concussion that assisted the shock on. He’s been bandaged up but there’s nothing we can do at this moment but wait.”

Everyone deflated at the news. Luke went into shock. They all had one question on their minds as they stood there. Ashton spoke up first.

“Do- do you know when he might wake up?”

“I’m sorry boys, we don’t know. It could be hours, days, weeks, months, years or...”

Never. They knew that’s what the doctor stopped himself from saying. It wasn’t the exact news they were looking for.

“Would you like to see him?”

All nodded even if the doctor was directing it to no one in particular. They followed behind the professional to Luke’s room. They passed many doors, many other sick patients, before they reached the private room. It always baffled Ashton, people in this hospital could either be having their best, worst, first or last day at this hospital right now. So many stories, yet, he was only interested in one. The story behind this one door.

They were directed in and left with their own dose of shock. Luke was bandaged around his head and forearms with several tubes keeping him alive. The door was left open as they stood there frozen. His pale skin told them he’s on the brink of death while machines beeped to remind them that without the machinery their friend wouldn’t even be alive. They just hoped the boy won’t lose the battle against himself.

“Thank you doctor.”

“A nurse will be in to check on him every hour. We can get another two chairs for you as well. I’m sorry boys.”

With that the doctor left and closed the door behind them.

The doctor left with a small grimace of a smile. The boys wasted no time walking into the room Ashton was first in followed by Michael and Calum. All had stopped in their tracks as they walked in. It looked like something you would see in the movie. There was so many wires to machines they didn’t even know what they did. They was a machine to help Luke do everything because the boy’s body wasn’t capable of doing anything in it’s weak state.

It was the worst state they’ve ever seen Luke in, not including the state he was in before they even got to the hospital. It was scary to see someone you loved so dearly to be in front of you not being able to live without something to help them. It was scary to know that Luke was on the brink of death, it was scarier to think of the fact that he himself had done that damage. They didn’t have many tears left, however, their breathe was caught and their bodies frozen in place. There was their best friend lying almost lifelessly in the hospital bed.

Guilt. If they weren’t so oblivious to the change in Luke’s condition then this could have all been avoided. They blamed themselves.

***  
One, two, three, four and five weeks and Luke still laid lifelessly on the bed. They took him off air support last week and he was actually breathing for himself which was a massive step. It was a massive step but he still hasn’t woken up. News establishments got ahold of the fact that Luke was in hospital and the there was a lot of worried and curious fans that wondering what was going on. They didn’t answer that question. No one would want to hear that their hero tried to kill them self because they relapsed. There would be a lot of unwanted sadness in the fandom and they couldn’t risk something like that. So many depended on them to keep themselves alive, it would push them over the edge. The situation was Luke’s privacy, it would be his decision when he wakes up. If he wakes up.

Everyone was trying to keep their spirits high but so far breathing has been the only improvement. Even then, doctors said it may look like he would possibly have troubles breathing and it was a risk along with many others like brain or nerve damage. There was the risk that Luke might come out of this disabled. There was the risk that he’d never be able to sing if he had been affected by brain damage. They could only hope he would come out of this fine.

Ashton had been here everyday and he sent Calum and Michael home every night to look after themselves. It was hypocritical though considering Ashton didn’t follow his own advice. The friends were worried about Ashton. He only went home when he absolutely needed to or when he was sent home by Liz. He had been seeing Liz very often since they told her he was in hospital that night that Luke arrived. They explained that he relapsed and was sent into a comatose state from shock after trying to commit suicide. She was here everyday but she went home at the night to return in the morning. Maybe that was the smart thing to do but Ashton didn’t want the boy to wake up alone when he did. He was going to wake up. He was.

Luke’s brothers, Ben and Jack, stopped around once or twice a week since they were quite busy but they made time to see their baby brother. Ashton had become closer and closer to the family as the weeks went on.

He began to write, he wrote the base for a new song and Calum helped him when he started. He made the start and the idea and then gave it to Calum who changed it to more of a song that could be interpreted to be a love song.

“Can't help but wondering if this,  
is the last time that I'll see your face, is it tears or just the fucking rain? Wish I could say something, something that doesn't sound insane. But lately, I don't trust my brain. You tell me I won't ever change, So I just say nothing.”

Then he gave Calum a chorus that could be interpreted as a love song but really he had everything he was feeling behind it. He really missed his best friend and he just felt guilty. He was the one that found the boy on the floor, he say the boy die three times and he was going to be the one to be there when he woke up.

“No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back. No matter how long you're gone, I'm always gonna want you back. I know you know, I will never get over you. No matter where I go, I'm always gonna want you back, want you back.”

He just wanted to say how he was always going to be waiting for Luke to come back to him. He wanted him to be happy. He loved him. In a brotherly way, maybe.

He gave the song to Calum then to work on and twist it around. Calum was happy to have something to do.

***

It was on the tenth week where there was talk of Luke not waking up. Ashton was up, shouting and crying as the told the nurses that they were wrong. Liz made him go home that day to at least get a proper night sleep and with strict orders to take care of himself because she told him he looked like an interpretation of death. His skin was pale and there was heavy bruises shadowing his eyes. His hair was grease and body sweaty. He look ghastly. Michael and Calum were there to look after him when he went home with them that night as Liz promised, she’d stay and tell him if anything happens. Both boys knew this had affected Ashton more that both of them considering he was the carer of the group, really he was just a cuddly teddy bear, but also he felt the need to protect and look after Luke which meant that he didn’t want the boy to end up waking up alone.

That night Michael and Calum feed Ashton some homemade stir fry. Made him get and shower and finally go to bed at half nine. They had to take care of him considering he was neglecting his own needs. Sometimes the carer had to be the one to that need to be looked after. Ashton himself had a relapse of his own when they were younger and they stayed through that with him. Ashton knew the highs and lows of life more than them all as he was known to go through bi-polar tendencies as he grew up. Sometimes he would be that elated boy before falling into a depressive state for days at a time. Lucky, he surpassed that chapter in his life though.

Ashton was quickly back at the hospital hours at seven and next to the bed again as he watched he boy’s features. He made sure not to wake up Liz as she slept on the couch at the side of the room. Ashton just sat down and played with the boy’s fingers as he listened to the melodic thump that emitted from the heart monitor next to him. At first it was annoying to listen to but it soon turned calming as he reminded himself of was a sign that the boy was alive, even if he wasn’t awake.

***

On the third day of the eleventh week was finally the day Ashton was waiting for. After nearly three months Luke began to wake up. Ashton was the only one in the room when it happened. Liz wasn’t in that day and the friends went to get something for them all to eat. Ashton was in the middle of his daily routine of talking to the unconscious boy when it happened.

“Everything is going to be okay Lukey. Everyone misses you, just like yesterday. I know it’s hard to deal with but I really wished you came and talked about how you relapsed. Please wake up soon. The fans are still questioning what happened. I really hope you’re alright. I just wish I noticed-“

And it was then Ashton felt the pressure on his fingers that held Luke’s in his own when Luke squeezed his hand softly as he woke up. Ashton cursed under his breathe as an uncontainable smile took over his face. Luke was going to wake up.

“Come on Lukey. I’m here. You’re okay.”

Ashton was convinced until the twitching stopped and everything went back to the way it has been for the last eleven weeks. Had he imagined it? Was his mind conjuring up things to make him think he was crazy? He was going crazy.

It wasn’t even ten minutes later when something happened. It happened way to fast for Ashton to even comprehend what was actually happening. A spasmodic thrum rang through Ashton’s ears as Luke’s heartbeat accelerated dramatically. It was highly alarming. Ashton quickly scrambled to press the doctor call button to call for help. Success. It wasn’t even a minute before many nurses rushed in and ignored the crying friend as he watched Luke’s body spasm while his heart beat continued to beat at an unhealthy rate.

They quickly worked around him until the boy was stable and waking up. They proceeded to take vitals and check over the boy’s body. Once they deemed Luke okay the nurses began to filter out until the last one approached him. He saw the boy beginning to wake up and he just wanted her to currently leave so he could check on him friend.

“His body was having trouble waking up and had a miniature panic attack between his state of consciousness and unconsciousness. On that note, he is now waking up but remember that he could be startled easily and could have another panic attack. He will, although, have to stay in hospital premises for at least seventy-two hours. However, if his mental health hasn’t improved during observation then we may have to keep him for longer. Someone will be in every half an hour. I’ll leave you two to yourselves now.”

Thankfully she left and Ashton was able to return to Luke’s rousing side. The younger’s eyes fluttered as they adjusted to opening again as well as the blinding light of the hospital room. Ashton took ahold of the boy’s hand and caressed the warming skin with his thumb as Luke adjusted and woke up. He groggily looked to his held hand to look up and see Ashton.

“Hi Lukey.”

Ashton couldn’t help it when his voice cracked. Luke’s eyes teared up as he saw the faded scars on his arms that had healed over the eleven week. He didn’t know that though. Ashton was quick to turn and calm the boy.

“Hey, you’re alright. Okay? We know what happened and we are so sorry that we never noticed what you were going through. The boy’s are down getting some food. Here babe, have some water.”

The nurses began to leave jugs of water in Luke’s room daily with how often visitors were there. Ashton quickly got a plastic cup and filled it with water before holding it there against Luke’s cracked lips softly, allowing the boy to drink what he needed which was thankfully all of it. Once Luke’s throat wasn’t as dry he spoke up.

“I’m sorry. I’m- I’m such a burden and I’m sorry.”

“Lukey! You’re not a burden and you have nothing to be sorry for. You were struggling, to the point it got unbearable and we’re sorry we never noticed before-“

“Who found... me? What happened?”

Ashton paused for a second as he let his thumb brush over Luke’s knuckles as Luke looked at Ashton both questionably yet gravely. He was looking for his answer. He still had tears running down his cheeks. Ashton reached up and swiped them away.

“I did. I heard a noise and went to check out what happened and found you in your bathroom. You got concussion from your fall.”

Luke nodded as more tears fell only for them to be wiped away by Ashton’s rough skinned thumb. Ashton held the boy and kept him as closed as the bed would allow.

“H-how long have I been...”

He trailed off and waited.

“Eleven and a half weeks babe. You went into a coma after with the shock and the concussion. Your mum isn’t in today but she’s been in nearly ever day usually, Calum and Michael are getting food.”

“Did they- did they see?”

Luke looked nervous as he played with Ashton’s abnormally long fingers to distract himself. He knew the apologetic look from Ashton only said one thing. The friends had saw him on the bathroom floor, they saw him at his very worse.

“Lukey, you should have came to us, to me. You know you’re not alone, never will be. Please never get that bad again without telling us that you’ve relapsed. We love you.”

Luke had tears welding up in his eyes as Ashton left a small peck on the boy’s knuckles quickly just as the two friends walked back in. Nearly failing to notice Luke was consciousness until taking a second glance when a sniffle was heard.

“Luke! You’re awake! Thank god! Ashton how long has he been up?”

“Just a few minutes, don’t overwhelm him now.”

It clicked in their minds about Luke’s situation. The last time Luke was awake he was in the process of killing himself and now he’s woken up to find out that his friends had seen him in his most vulnerable state. He would be feeling self conscious, scared and heavily depressed. This wasn’t going to be something that he would easily get over. The two thought alike as they carefully approached he mentally unstable boy and kneeled down to the side of his bed and both held one of Luke’s hands in their own. Luke still seemed a bit scared.

“We’ll help you get through this Lukey. We all will. We all love you so much and we don’t want you to get that bad again without anyone taking notice-“

“We are sorry that we neglected you like that. We were so scared when we saw you because you’re our best friend, not even that, you’re our brother.”

Calum finished what Michael started as Calum finished with a comforting squeeze to Luke’s hand. Like was crying as Ashton wiped the bitter-sweet tears away from the emotional boy’s face. Luke wanted it all to be true. He wanted to have them by his side. He wanted to prove his own mind wrong. He wanted to show them that he could get better. He didn’t want them to see him like that again.

“I- I love you all so much. Please help me.”

They were all so glad that Luke was asking for help this time round. Ashton especially as he wrapped his arms around the fragile boy and the other two joined as they made sure not to squash Luke. Luke wasn’t so mentally strong nor physically but he could always trust his boys to help take that weight off his shoulder. They could get through this, couldn’t they? Then again he wasn’t in the hospital for eleven and a half weeks for nothing. It will be harder than any of them would have expected. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! This could be made into a chaptered story by the way as you can tell from the vague ending but it’s up to if you all would want to read that. On my profile I’m already quite busy but what’s one more storyline, she says as she switches between writing 3 other stories;). 
> 
> Please talk to me on my email chloe.latefan@gmail.com if you have been trigger from anything because I would always reply to all of my comments and emails and I don’t want anyone upset. 
> 
> Please like and comment because I like the feedback. I love you all!


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